For the last 2 months, I’ve become more aware of what I eat and tried to create a better life style with work out routine and meditation. So I checked myself on the scale and… More
Recently I’ve become obsessed with fanfictions. At first, I started reading it because I needed an escape from reality. I was not in the best state of mind and reading fanfiction reminded me of the safety environment of childhood. But now it become a habit. Everyday I spent hours browsing, I actually ran out of materials. Like an addict, I struggled to restrain myself, I know that this needs to stop.
Why do I keep doing it? I guess the root of the problem is avoidance. I was scared and anxious of the future. Instead of facing my fears with resilient and rational mind, I run away. Burying my head in the sand. Einstein said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I am done with self pity, moping around and feeling desperate.
Proactive, resilient and cunning!
Dear myself, use your brain and channel your inner Slytherin. you are allowed to read fanfiction, but on a healthy dose. I will thrive.
My inability to mitigate it hurts me significantly.
I cried a bit, slightly disappointed for the loss.
Frankly I am embarrassed to ask for help.
Yeah, my ego is that big.
hopefully in the grand scheme of things, this is just a step back.
I won’t forget the lesson
I’ll come out of it as a stronger person.
I document this moment as a bitter sweet reminder of the harsh reality of life
Dear myself, this is not the end.
Happy birthday to me!
I started my day by waking up at 3 am
I lit myself a candle and I prayed for strength and wisdom.
A picnic with my friend in the park,
a stroll along the river accompanied by ice cream.
A quick chat with my sister and opening a birthday present from my best friend in Indonesia
My emotions were all over the place, but it ended with a happy note,
A few years ago, a friend asked me what do I want to pray for. At that moment I dug deep and found an answer. I said, “I want a peace of mind”. My desire remains prevalent as I grow older. That was my epiphany. I am often restless at night worrying about future, feeling content is a luxury.
I tied my happiness on my achievements.
“I’ll be happy when I get promoted. “
“I’ll be happy after I win “, etc,
It is conditional. The drawback of this is those things only happen a few times in a year. I was happy 2-3 days out of 356, the rest of the time I was miserable.
I need to fix this, I need to find a way to find happiness in small things. Frankly I am still having trouble imagining it. The concept sounds extremely foreign to me.
Like, why should I be happy when I finish learning a song in piano? Why?
Why should I be happy on menial things. Well I guess that is my next challenge.
Find things to be happy for, and maybe read those cliche happiness books that I look down when people post them on social media.
ALAS! I should stop being so condescending. You know what, next post will be about small things that make me happy. I can’t think of any at the moment and yes.. that is so sad.
I’ll keep you posted. Wish me luck.
Book review: My very own Ghost of Christmas FutureF
I was following on Djoko Tjandra’s case on the news when I stumbled on Kwik Kian Gie (KKG) and his previous remarks regarding Indonesian banking system. His comments before Indonesia financial crisis in 98, Century Bank scandal along with BNI loan fraud.
I was shamed to admit that it took me this long to read up on him and the relevance history given my passion in economics. Although in my defence, I was still a baby in the late 90s. Anyway, in my attempt to make it up, I found his book that hit too close to home. Aku Bermimpi Menjadi Peng-Peng di Republik Banana.
I felt like I was in a Christmas Carol movie, with Kwik Kian Gie as the spirit of Chirstmas yet to come. Blame my imaginative mind!
I aspire to be a businesswoman in the long run, I know exactly which area that I want to enter and I’ve expressed my interest with my parents. As for now I am in the process of accumulating knowledge, experience, capital and network.
Just like Dumbledore who was afraid of himself if given the power to rule the wizarding world, to some extend I was afraid of who I would become if greed gets the best of me. I’ve mention it briefly on “Memenuhi Kewajiban Tanpa tapi tapi” , from my observations and experience it was so easy to manipulate the systems to work to your advantage regardless the negative impacts on others. Whether it’s delaying payment to suppliers to better one cashflow or exploiting financial regulations to con plebeians.
It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.
The more that I learn how things work the more tempting it become to find the loopholes and abuse it just because I can. Damn my inflated ego! An astute entrepreneur needs that cleverness to survive but it is hard to control oneself once you start thinking in that mindset.
The book gave some examples on how the crooks did it successfully in “Republik Banana”. Obviously for legal purposes, all characters and other entities appearing in book are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, dead or alive, or other real-life entities, past or present, is purely “coincidental”, but if you clever enough you can put two and two together and find out which events he was referring to.
The scene where KKG come to a dream and questioned the businessman past decisions was a classic Christmas Carol. KKG lectures on ethical principles in business work as my guide when in doubt. I feel like if my thirst for power and money start to sway me, I could ask myself: “what would the great Kwik Kian Gie say” and hope that my upbringing and love for others will be enough to put me back to the right path.
I was feeling depressed for the past few months, uncertainty was haunting me. I didn’t know how things will fit in to my life plans.
Well I still don’t but I find a desire to live!! I feel alive.
Oh, how happy I am. I was seeing therapists before because I was tired of life and to finally have it back was a blessing.
I am not a religious person, but I will pray and give my thanks to god.
Now I begin to formulate my new game plans. Strategic thinking and all of that.
You know what trigger it? my love for my family.
I read an article about a son losing his father’s company to a group of bad people, call it mafia but on larger scale. I was imagining the pain of losing your parents’ legacy. All of those blood, sweat and tears. I was interested on his story case because of the economics aspects. It reminds me of my passion, why I went to Australia and US in the first place. My previous ambitions.
I have to be strong and resilient
Get ready for me!
Btw, my new perspective gave me an epiphany. Ending my relationship was the right decision. I wouldn’t be able to be the person that I desire otherwise.
Wish me luck. I will be back with more news to share.
“Jangan zalim, hargai hak orang lain”.
Nasehat ibu terlintas lagi di benak saya saat research untuk postingan blog saya selanjutnya — reverse factoring. Mulai saat ini saya berkomitmen untuk menerapkan prinsip itu.
Membayar kewajiban finansial tepat waktu merupakan contoh pelaksanaan yang mulai saya lakukan. Hampir seluruh bill saya di debet otomatis oleh bank. Ketika makan bareng teman temen dan salah satu ada yang bayar dulu, saya langsung transfer uangnya di tempat lewat internet banking. Gak baik kalau hak orang dihalang halangi. Memang di dalam hati bawaannya males banget buat bayar bayar. Pengennya ditunda aja, beribu alasan ada di benak saya untuk menghinghindari kewajiban.
Mengapa mulai latihan prinsip ini sekarang? karena saya beraspirasi untuk menjadi seseorang yang besar. Di mulai dari hal kecil dan seiring bertambahnya kewajiban dan tanggung jawab dalam hidup saya mudah mudahan tidak kaget.
Ketika saya misalnya menjadi pengusaha, saya bisa menghargai supplier saya dengan membayar invoice tepat waktu. Saya tidak ingin karena saya, orang lain pusing kepala memikirkan cara membayar gaji karyawannya akibat saya menunda nunda membayar hak tersebut. Ketika individu berkomitmen membantu saya mengembangkan usaha, bersama dari awal saya membentuk perusahaan, saya berdoa saya kebih kuat dari pada kerakusan saya akan harta dan memberikan apa yang individu tersebut berhak dapatkan, penghargaan dan sebagian keuntungan dari perusahaan.
Prinsip hidup menghargai hak orang lain terasa lebih berat untuk dilaksanakan ketika kita memiliki kekuasaan, memampuan dan intelektual untuk disalahgunakan.
Buat apa bayar supplier dengan sesegera kalau kita bisa menunda nunda, toh cashflow kita akan lebih sehat bukan? mulailah dicari cara untuk melakukan hal tersebut, adakah loophole di dalam regulasi keuangan dan accounting yang dapat dimanfaatkan.
Ahh bagaimana dengan supply chain financing, dijualah utang tersebut kepada pihak ketiga, mereka lah yang akan membayar supplier, kita bayar nanti. Misalnya supplier yang biasanya dapet pembayarannya dalam 30 hari, kalau beliau ingin dibayar cepat, bisa meminta ke pihak ketiga dengan kondisi sebagian kecil dari pendapatan dipotong pihak ketiga.
Hal tersebut tidak salah, meski impikasinya dalam manipulasi accounting ada di zona abu abu, namun hal tersebut menjadi kejam ketika kita bekerja sama dengan pihak ketiga untuk mengulur term pembayaran di dalam invoice kontrak, yang sebelumnya 30 hari menjadi 72 hari secara sepihak. Amboi, jika kita merupakan client terbesar supplier dan hidup dan mati perusaan mereka ada pada kita, mereka terpaksa dibuat tak berdaya. Bagaimana supplier menangani beban aliran kas akibat kebijakan tersebut? Terpaksalah supplier menggunakan supply chain financing dengan pihak ketiga, piutang yang awalnya 500 juta terpaksa kena diskon jadi 490 juta. Aneh kan, supplier ngasih utangnya berapa, dapetnya berapa. Bukannya itu hak mereka, bank aja kalo ngutain orang mengenakan bunga, eh ini malah negative discounting.
Itu lah salah satu hal yang saya takutkan. Keserakan yang dapat membuat saya menyiksa dan menganggap rendah hak orang lain.
Memenuhi kewajiban tanpa tapi tapi…
Itu adalah tantangan saya.
The first idea that I had when creating this blog it to write about economics and finance along with the implications of those to everyday life. However, due to the lack of experience and fear that I might make a fool of myself, I have restrained myself from covering topics that I find close to home.
In the spirit of educating myself, I have decided that it is worth the risk. Hence, I will start writing those topics. I’ll make me reflect about what I learn and make me thirst for more knowledge. After years of procrastinating, I will go back for to my root.
It is going to be,
Wait for it… LEGENDARY.
Distraction is the best way to negate my negative impulses, they are a lot to handle. Impulse buying, indulging myself with unhealthy habits,
flirting with handsome gentlemen , taking things to extremes etc.
This time I am forcing myself to do something positive for a change. Alas, how strong my inner resistance was. In 3 weeks I’ll be competing for a friendly regatta, then a couple weeks later my team and
(hopefully) I will be competing for National Championship in Sydney.
I am hoping this will give me a clearer mind and better emotional state. Mens sana in corpore sano right?
This will be my first national championship in Sport (
not use if dancesport is a sport). Being known as ” the smart one”, I am looking forward to surprise myself.
P.S. I heard Sydney’s athletes are handsome 😉
As a woman approaching mid 20s, I feel so insecure about my beauty. My weight, my relatively chubby face (I am not even fat), flat nose and my height.
I am well aware of the the phrase ” love yourself”. Nonetheless I also support the notion of improving yourself and changing your condition when you are unhappy about it.
Obviously when it comes to height, there is nothing that I can do about it and I guess I have to make peace with it or wear high heels when the condition allows. My problem is the line in changing physical appearance become blurrier. Recently I have been thinking of doing a facial slimming injection to relax certain muscle in my jaw and make my jaw and cheeks more defined. It will last for 6 month before I have to inject the same anti wrinkle in to my face ( I don’t even have wrinkle)
Is it worth doing so? I don’t know. I have been insecure about how chubby my cheeks is for years, mostly coming from my mum who constantly nag about how it should do something about it. Her solution include ironing my face with heat that makes me want to curse every time it touched my face. But she is kinda right though, when I took a picture of myself I was so unhappy because my face is so big.
At the moment, I’ll put the idea on hold, mainly because I realise that once I start coming to doctor to do one treatment, I know that I’ll want to fix a lot of things, including derma filler injections to enhance my beauty and that will hinder my current financial goals. Hence, it is decided that I will set a side the money that I plan for enhancing my beauty and put it into investment account and further fund on education for my future. I figure that in the long run I rather have financial security than spending money fixing my imperfections. After all beauty standard change all the time, maybe it is all just in my head or maybe not. For now I have to work with beauty on a budget.
Talking about beauty standard, don’t worry I’ll also work on my personality. Like most people, I aspire to have beauty, brain, personality and wealth. Will I end up achieving them.
You have to wait and see for that.